A Work in Progress

Below is a snip-it of a larger project I am working on.  I am counting on you to share your thoughts on the passage below.  Is this something you would like to continue reading? PLEASE BE HONEST.

MH900400912…..She was frightened by how this conversation would evolve,  but she was very much intrigued.  It had been by chance that her seat was changed minutes before boarding the flight.  God knows she had been in that women shoes not too long ago and vowed never to give another mother grief while flying – so she happily switched seats.  And because of the last-minute change, she found herself engaged in this conversation with this stranger who seemed so strangely familiar.

“It would not be wise to read anything but material which further enhances your career,”  he presumptuously stated.  “Time is too precious to waste on fiction – especially poorly written fiction.”

His response was unsolicited and her opinion, extremely rude.  Her days were over scheduled and idle moments were few and far between.

“Excuse me Sir, but productivity is stifled by a lack of ….”

“Excuses. Excuses.  You are all the same,” he interrupted.   “And that is why only 20% of women are CEO’s.”

His demeanor was condescending and her tolerance was low.

“I chose to sit here out of pity for another mother, ” she said.  “Please do not make this flight memorable in any way and pay no attention to my choice of reading material, music or in-flight meal”.

He chuckled.  “Your husband had mentioned your ability to fluster easily.  I just am surprised at how easily you are flustered.”

Open mouth she replied, “My husband passed several months ago.  I do not appreciate your arrogance!”

“I know, Bianca,” he said. “It was because of me that he passed away.”

“Good Evening Passengers.  We are next in queue on the runway and we expect to arrive in Heathrow, 7am – London time.  Sit back and relax and enjoy the journey, “ announced the Captain.

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10 thoughts on “A Work in Progress

  1. I think it has good bones but the dialogue lacks a realistic quality. It is a little hard to tell what genre you are specifically aiming for with the length of the sample. I like the narrator’s internal voice but it doesn’t match her outer voice in my interpretation.
    I think your plot introduction provides enough intrigue to entice readers to continue with the story. 🙂

  2. CC – check out some other bloggers who post chapters/snip-its of future books they hope to write/publish. If you keep posting pieces you will get a lot of interest and people may follow as they want to know what happens next. Good luck!

  3. You got me hooked Mama!! The chapter just flowed, totally the type of story I would want to read (and not put down). I can see us discussing this in your Mom Cave over glasses of wine at a book club. Keep up the awesome work and please keep sharing!!

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