All The Things About Motherhood That Other Mothers Don’t Tell You Whether Spiteful Or Unintentional When You Tell Them You Are Planning to Start a Family

I often contemplate writing a book entitled, “All The Things About Motherhood That Other Mothers Don’t Tell You Whether Spiteful Or Unintentional When You Tell Them You Are Planning to Start a Family”.  Yes. This is a terribly long, unmarketable title, but the chances this book will ever come to fruition are very slim, so let us go with this title for the purposes of this post.

If I ever did write this book, I would dedicate a chapter to vomit.  It would be called, “Vomit -When it’s Not Yours and it’s Not in the Toilet”.  Cleaning up infant vomit is one thing.  Cleaning up toddler vomit is tolerable. Cleaning up the vomit of a school age child who has consumed milk and Mexican for dinner is completely different.  And so my post……

Close to my bedtime, my daughter shouted out in pain.  Quickly at her side, she looked pale and green.  Ushering her into the bathroom, I realized she was not quite awake and guided her to the toilet.  Perhaps because she was asleep or the pain too extreme, she proceeded to vomit everywhere, but in the toilet.  Mexican and Milk.  Let me stop here and refrain from any further description.

Hubby comes to our aid moments way too late with a pony-tail holder as my daughter and I are covered in vomit. Seeing my expression, he runs to retrieve garbage bags and rubber gloves.  While my hubby cleaned our daughter, I almost lost my innards as I cleaned up the debacle in the children’s bathroom thinking this is certainly payback for all those times  back during my college days……..

Anyhow, back to the point.  While I was well aware that vomit is not a pretty sight or smell, I wish someone would have told me that most children vomit during bedtime hours on the night before an important meeting at the office AND cleaning the mess forever alters your perception of the foods you happen to find during the clean up.  It will take some time for me to enjoy Mexican again.

So to any woman fantasizing about coos and giggles and little booties, I guarantee motherhood will be the most rewarding job you will ever undertake AND always keep paper towels, garbage bags, rubber gloves and a dustpan in a box under your sink (special note, the dustpan will certainly not be used for picking up dust!)

Happy Parenting!

 

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11 thoughts on “All The Things About Motherhood That Other Mothers Don’t Tell You Whether Spiteful Or Unintentional When You Tell Them You Are Planning to Start a Family

  1. ugh, so not jealous of your night! I’ve had my daughter do that, in her crib – projectile vomit everywhere in the middle of the night. It smelled gross and it took me an hour to get all of the bits cleaned up.

    How about adding a chapter about wiping fannies to your book?

  2. OMG! So, so there with you. For you it is Mexican, for me it is baked ziti. Haven’t made it, haven’t ordered it, haven’t looked at it since my then 14 month old daughter upchucked it all over me in MY bed. Worst.weekend.ever as my husband and I promptly followed in her footsteps with the most painful stomach bug of our adult lives. I Must have lost 10 lbs after all was said and done. Obviousely not a parenting high point, and one I didn’t care to bring up when my cousin became a brand new mom! 🙂

  3. Pingback: Motherhood Manual: Tea and Beer …or Mother of the Year Award Slips through Fingers « Twyste

  4. You need to read my posts on my “Motherhood Manual: I have all the answers.” It’s a work in progress and I’m only publishing to it once a week, but there will be a vomit chapter and a poop chapter (which, I suspect you can relate to as well!). If you’re interested, check it out at http:twyste.com or more specifically at http://twyste.com/2012/01/04/the-motherhood-manual-i-have-all-the-answers/
    Also, after reading your post here, I included a link to it at the bottom of my post about how the “mother of the year award slipped through my fingers.”

  5. Pingback: Motherhood Manual: Tea and Beer …or Mother of the Year Award Slips through Fingers « The Motherhood Manual

  6. Pingback: All The Things About Motherhood That Other Mothers Don’t Tell You Whether Spiteful or Unintentional When You Tell Them You Are Planning to Start a Family | centraljerseyworkingmoms

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