The Last Thing I Want To Do is Talk Sex with My Mother

It doesn’t matter how old I was or am or will be.  Talking “sex” with my mother is just down right uncomfortable.  Case in point:

It’s the day of my son’s birthday party.  Deciding to cook for 45 people instead of catering the event was beginning to take its toll on me when the phone rang.  I have caller ID and can easily avoid calls from a warped sounding callerID  but due to the five pots simmering on the stove and dishes everywhere, I absent-mindedly picked up the call.

I knew this was a mistake when my mother begins the conversation with “I had this dream.”  Being of Italian descent has its pros and cons.  Self dream interpretation is what I consider a con.   She continues with the following:

“So Patrick was traveling and I was staying with you.  I came into your room to wake you up and a man (not Patrick) walks out of your bathroom.  You seemed embarrassed but told me that I should leave now because there is another man in my closet.  What do you think this means?  I asked your father and he seems to think it means you are having a sleepover.”

Friends, when I tell you I threw up in my mouth – I do not lie.  I could not determine which I was more bothered by – my mother knowing what a threesome is or sharing this dream with my father.  Yes, I know my parents know that I do have sex. However, it is not something I think about for more than one nanosecond.

After the initial shock, I asked if the men were good-looking ( come on…you would too)  and then begged to know why she shared this dream with my dad.

Later in the afternoon while driving to the supermarket to pick up some last-minute items, I called my brother.  I needed to get that conversation out of my head.  “You have disturbed my entire day,” said by brother.  “Mommy knows what a threesome is?”

I imagine I will never be comfortable talking sex with my mom, but perhaps I should make a note of all the reasons why I feel this way so that when the time comes that I need to talk sex with my children I’ll do it in a way that will make us all feel comfortable.

Note to self, keep busy this week so as to avoid awkardness with my parents.

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4 thoughts on “The Last Thing I Want To Do is Talk Sex with My Mother

  1. It’s kinda neat to read about this from someone else’s perspective! My mom was embarrassingly up front about sex from the time I was barely a teenager, so I became pretty accustomed to talking sex with her–although, on my end, that involved admonitions I’m sure you can imagine!

    • WOW…I am envious of such an upbringing! In fact, I am trying to mentally prepare to be as open as possible so that my children can know they can always come to me. My parents offered the open door but I could tell they were relieved I never knocked.

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